Jake McQuiggan: Family

Jake McQuiggan

Second paper

fam·i·ly

The word normal is defined as “conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected”. So many couples these days are interracial, age gaped, multicultural, gay and straight, that a normal couple is hard to define. With divorce, adoption, surrogates, and artificial insemination, a normal family is just as hard to define. I think that any person or couple should be allowed to have a family regardless of their sexual orientation. Whether a person is gay or straight, it does not hinder their ability to raise a child in a health and caring environment.

Sometimes people are concerned that children being raised by a gay parent will need extra emotional support or face unique social stressors. Current research shows that children with gay and lesbian parents do not differ from children with heterosexual parents in their emotional development or in their relationships with peers and adults.1. I think that even though a child is raised by a gay couple, they would still receive the same love and affection as they would with a straight couple. Most kids these days grow up with divorced parents or only one parent and they turn out like kids raised by parents who are together. Gay parents would just mean that a child would have two dads or moms, just like some kids with divorced parents who have stepmoms and stepdads.

Divorces have been proven to have negative psychological effects on a child and there are more divorces these days then there are gay families. One out of every two marriages today ends in divorce and many divorcing families include children. Parents who are getting a divorce are frequently worried about the effect the divorce will have on their children. During this difficult period, parents may be preoccupied with their own problems, but continue to be the most important people in their children's lives. While parents may be devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to their security. Some parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by the divorce that they may turn to the child for comfort or direction. Divorce can be misinterpreted by children unless parents tell them what is happening, how they are involved and not involved, and what will happen to them. Children often believe they have caused the conflict between their parents. Many children assume the responsibility for bringing their parents back together, sometimes by sacrificing themselves. Vulnerability to both physical and mental illnesses can originate in the traumatic loss of one or both parents through divorce.4.

I believe that a divorce can affect a child more than it would to have gay parents. At least if they had gay parents they would be in a stable home and not have to go back and forth from parent to parent. A child needs two people to care for them at the same time regardless of sex. If their parents do not live together or do not get along, then the child will never learn what a truly loving environment is and how a family should be.

It is important for parents to understand that it is the quality of the parent/child relationship and not the parent’s sexual orientation that has an effect on a child’s development.1. A child will understand they will have two moms or dads and that it is a little different from of the other kids, but that will not change their sexuality. A person is either born gay or straight and nobody can tell them otherwise. Whatever sex the child is attracted too is based on the child. If parents could change their child’s sexual orientation then more straight parents would try to stop their child from being gay. You cannot change what someone is attracted to and how they wish to live their life.

Children growing up in same-sex parental households do not necessarily have differences in self-esteem, gender identity, or emotional problems from children growing up in heterosexual parent homes. 2. I think this is because gay parents raise their children the same way straight parents would raise their children. Just like any other child, a child of a gay couple would still have two people that love them and take care of them. The child would learn the gender roles that are acceptable in society as they grew up.

Many people believe that children raised by gay couples will turn out gay to be like their parents. Research has shown that in contrast to common beliefs, children of lesbian, gay, or transgender parents are not more likely to be gay than children with heterosexual parents.1. Children of gay parents do not show differences in whether they think of themselves as male or female (gender identity) or show differences in their male and female behaviors (gender role behavior).1. Children learn what gender they are and are able to act upon that. I think that gay parents will let their kids be who they are and will accept them no matter what the child is sexually attracted to.

Some studies showed that single heterosexual parents' children have more difficulties than children who have parents of the same sex. Same sex kids did better in discipline, self-esteem, and had less psychosocial difficulties at home and at school.2. I think the reason that kids of divorced parents have a harder time is because they did not receive the love and affection they needed. Children of same sex parents will not have the same challenges as those of divorced parents. Kids of divorced parents feel abandoned and alone, while kids of gay parents will always have two parents that are there for them.

In the past few months, the argument of legalizing gay marriage has gone to the Supreme Court. During the case, Anti-gay groups were discovered using false studies in order to persuade the Court Justices. However, the court did not discover the information was fake until after the case was over. I think these groups knew that the court would rule on allowing gay marriage which would mean it would be easier for gay people to have a family. A man named Mark Regnerus was the leader of the study and admitted to falsifying information after he already published his study for the public to see. Unfortunately, since his study was already published, anti-gay groups have been using his findings in their arguments against gay families and gay marriage.

Mark Regnerus has admitted his “family structures” study didn’t actually measure gay parenting, comparing the children of separated parents who had same-sex relationships with those of married opposite-sex parents. An internal auditor of the journal that published the Regnerus study last year concluded its findings were “bullshit” because this false comparison doesn’t adequately measure same-sex parenting. Nevertheless, conservatives have repeatedly cited the study, even to the Supreme Court, claiming same-sex couples are unfit to raise children to substantiate their opposition to marriage equality, even though medical professionals have thoroughly debunked its claims. Now, documents reveal that the anti-gay conservatives who originally funded the study conspired before data was even collected to produce results that could influence “major decisions of the Supreme Court.”3.

Even though professionals have proven the study is a lie, the damage is already done. Anti-gay groups are using this study to oppose marriage equality and the public does not know the information is not true. This study has tarnished the image of gay families and the good that they can do. I do not know why some people feel the need to intrude on others happiness and think they have the right to tell another person what they can or cannot do.

The American Independent collected internal documents through public-records requests from the anti-gay Witherspoon Institute, which funded the Regnerus study, and found that its president intended the study to produce a result against gay parenting before it was even conducted. This is not surprising, as both the Witherspoon Institute, as well as the study’s other funder, the Lynde and Harry Bradley Foundation, are connected to Robert George, founding co-chair of the National Organization for Marriage and prominent legal opponent of marriage equality.3.

It makes me sad to know that this study was intended to do bad things before the research began. Anti-gay groups know there is no harm that can be done by a child having gay parents and instead of handling matters the proper way; they feel that cheating and lying is a is the correct way to handle things. I think anti-gay groups need to accept the fact that families of gay couples are just as productive as those of straight couples and should just leave the subject alone.

The definition of family is “a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household”. The definition does not specify gender or sexuality; it just says a group of parents. Being a parent is not about giving birth. It is about taking care of, raising, and loving that child to the best of your ability. Everybody should have the right to have a child and have a family of their own. Because family is not about sexual orientation, it is about love.